please please me.

or the past coupla weeks, steak& has enlisted my help in making her weekly nfl picks for her office pool. and guess what. i suck! i think ive singlehandedly kept her in last place. (at the very least, im part of the problem.) this has caused me to look back at my career of sports handicapping, and to realize that it's been spotty at best.

so, in order to make my 2007 mlb postseason picks, im changing tactics. dont ask me why i chose to do it this way, but ive used free association to link every playoff team to a beatles song (listed in parens), then ive chosen winners based on which beatles song should beat the other, regardless of team affiliation:

american league divisional series:

MATCHUP: yankees (dont let me down) vs. cleveland (why dont we do it in the road?)

ANALYSIS: my favorite team gets my favorite beatles song, which in this case also conveniently serves as a plea. the indians and their hilariously racist mascot get a song whose lyrics also sum up my feelings for the team. more specifically, i dont care if we play them at jacobs field, or at yankee stadium, or in the goddamn road. the pt is we can and should do this team; it doesnt matter who has home field advantage.

WINNER: yanks. dont let is a timeless classic. road is a virtual throw-away: one of many on the white album.

MATCHUP: los angeles (and your bird can sing) vs. boston (i want you [she's so heavy])

ANALYSIS: the angels, the one team that has a winning record against the yanks during the joe torre era, get the song lennon supposedly wrote out of resentment of dylan's ability to pass what lennon thought of as nonsensical lyrics off as inscrutable and poetic. i resent the angels (they beat us consistently, and their bird can sing...). the sawks get their tune for the same reason it could well go to my dear minka.

WINNER: red sox. no contest.

national league divisional series:

MATCHUP: chicago (magical mystery tour) vs. arizona (cry baby cry)

ANALYSIS: the cubbies are gonna find some magical and mysterious way to eff it all up. they always do. it's as simple as that. as for the the d-backs, i saw them play the yanks earlier this season, and i barely recognized a single player on the team. all i know is that they all looked quite young. they're a baby team.

WINNER: d-backs. a lot of people would categorize cry as i just categorized road. not me, though; i love the song.

MATCHUP: colorado (dig a pony) vs. philadelphia (getting better)

ANALYSIS: the rockies: a 'how did this song get on an album?' jam for a 'how did this team get in the playoffs?' team. the phils, quite simply, have been getting better for a while now.

WINNER: the phillies. a staple of sergeant pepper will beat a scrap from let it be any day of the week.

american league championship:

MATCHUP: yankees (dont let me down) vs. boston (i want you [she's so heavy])

ANALYSIS: a toughie. two of my fave beatles' songs of all time, and i believe they were both recorded during the abbey road sessions.

WINNER: the bombers. dont let me down is simply a better song.

national league championship:

MATCHUP: arizona (cry baby cry) vs. philadelphia (getting better)

ANALYSIS: another toughie. this is actually the first case where the song that i like better represents the team that i distinctly feel would lose the series. however, the whole pt of this thing is to go with the new system, not the old, failing one. so -

WINNER: d-backs. rare is the beatles fan, or maybe i should say person, who would choose cry over better. but what can i tells ya? im a rarity.

world series:

MATCHUP: yanks (dont let me down) vs. arizona (cry baby cry)

ANALYSIS: fittingly, the end of cry baby cry (penned by lennon) is a snippet of a mccartney song which repeats the refrain: can you take me back where i came from? can you take me back? (on the white album, the latter is simply piggybacked on the former. it's not massaged in, as if they were a medley or anything. i think it's supposed to serve as a lead-in to revolution 9.) this is fitting b/c the 01 series pitted these two teams against each other, with the d-backs becoming the team that finally took down the last yankee dynasty.

WINNER: yanks. most of the names and faces on both teams are different now (the d-backs might not even have a single hold-over; im not sure), but you know what they say, anyway. revenge is a dish best served cold. of course dont let me down beats cry baby cry.

you think that's too easy? hey - it's my system!