2007 oscars running diary. whatever.
tha's right - it's my second oscars running diary! to see what the deal is with these puppies, if you dont already know, why not read my first oscars running diary?
NOTE: I DONT WANT TO SPEND TEN YEARS ON THIS, WHEN I SHOULD BE WRITING OTHER, MORE IMPORTANT (OR AT LEAST JOB-RELATED) THINGS, SO IM JUST GONNA POST THIS, PRETTY MUCH AS IT WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN, SANS A LOT OF EDITING AND (ANY) LINKING. OTHERWISE, THIS WOULD BE A BEAST I HAVE NO TIME FOR. MUCH LIKE THE OSCARS THEMSELVES. ISNT IT IRONIC?
one key change from last year: instead of ranking the people who pop up in the diary as either stars, big stars, or legends, as i did last year, im simply grading them on a stardom scale of 1 to 10. a 1 would be a total non-celeb, like the guy at the deli who never gives me a plastic spoon with my yogurt, so i end up eating it with a plastic fork b/c that's the only extra plastic cutlery we ever have in the office. a 10 would be a worldwide, prolly-recognizable-for-generations-to-come-or-at-least-
has-already-been-recognizable-for-generations actor, like, i hate to say it, tom cruise. the grade, in parens, will follow the first mention of the given person.
also: since last year's diary, i have become too big for my proverbial britches, whatever those are, so i have fired brady as ombudsman, in so small part due to her less-than-sexy penchant for eating her own stomach hair. she still lives with me, so i think this is gonna be an awkward few weeks - or however long a cat's memory lasts - going forward, but them's the breaks.
now onto the show.
8.30. live from the kodak theater, it’s the 79th annual showing of my bar mitzvah photos! jk jk. it’s the 79th annual academy awards, aka the 79th annual most self-aggrandising ceremony in the world!
we begin with a really good errol morris montage of nominated dons, including stars, doing sound bites against that classic errol morris white background. sometimes the subjects' individual soundbites combine to form sentences ('im glad to be nominated,' 'i did editing,' 'id like to thank,' etc.). really excellent piece, actually. errol morris is just a clean, solid filmmaker. he doesnt flower it all up, like either of the burns brothers, whose grandiose documentary style i have to say i prolly prefer. what can i say? im quite grandiose myself.
8.36. ellen degeneres (8.2) walks out. i like ellen degeneres. generous, though misspelled, is part of her name for chrissakes. she’s wearing a red velvet suit. her routine is pretty funny. not so lol, but amusing. then it gets not funny at the end. hosting this thing is a no-win situation for the host. ellen's pointing out notable people in the audience. she points out abigail breslin (2), the girl from little miss sunshine. i saw the movie. it was good. off-beat good, heartwarming. but it’s getting way too much press. way too much. enough already. ellen also informs us that apparently peter o’toole (8) has been nominated eight times without winning. let’s hope he wins tonite otherwise it would be cruel. now we see jennifer hudson, former american idol star. then ellen hits the best joke of night: 'jennifer hudson, wasn’t voted the winner by america. then we have al gore here, who was.' bravo. im a BIG Al GORE FAN. this switches to leo decaprio. then ellen makes a hyper-lame joke about how there’s no hyper-lame joke to be made, but the ladies want to look at him. then: ‘if there weren’t blacks, jews or gays, there wouldn’t be oscars.' that one was too crammed down my throat. she continues: 'or anyone named oscar.’ that was at first funny, then i realized it doesnt really make sense. a trick joke. i mean, there are a lot of jews named oscar?
then she does this needless gospel number, where she goes into the crowd with a whole gospel-singing troupe, singing about god knows what. it's stupid and pointless. and im taking notes on this!
8.45. Nicole kidman (8.5) and Daniel craig (7). if it’s ever sitting in your seat, dont even bother asking it to get up - nicole kidman’s forehead moves for no man. that's all i have to say about that. they present the award for best art direction. i have pan. it wins. im 1 for 1!
8.48. mags gyllenhall (7.9) comes out to tell us about her having hosted the 'scientific and technology' oscars sometime before tonite - possibly this afternoon, possibly ten years ago. we might never know, and we surely will never care. mags is actually attractive, in that allison janney-brainy-attractive way. that’s all i have to say about her at this time, aside from the fact that it’s weird that her and jake gyllanhall are such big stars and are brother and sister. why aren’t simone and i like that? luck of the draw i guess.
8.53. will ferrell (8.5) sings a song about comedians not getting love at the oscars. jack black joins him. though i love them both, this is not funny. then another petey o'toole ref. o'toole looks half dead btw; his win might be posthumous by the time it's given. now john c. reilly joins the aforementioned pair. ive never understood his appeal. then the three do the award for makeup. i have pan. two for two! pan is shaping up for a historical night. it’s like a babeball player who hits three home runs the first game of season. nowhere to go but down.
8.59. speaking of nowhere to go but down, abigail breslin (again) and pursuit of happyness boy jaden christopher syre smith (1.8) (real son of will and jada apparently, btw) come out. i have learned that when you have a black child star, he/she always has three to four names in his name. i learned that on the cosby show. i hate child strars. everyone's lauhghing at some lame joke now, just cuz it was told by children. lame. they present for animated short, then live action short film. i have no picks for either. who cares about either of them?
9.02. danny and ilana walk in to find me eating brady's stomach hair. a tacit agreement to never speak of the incident again is unanimously and instantly ratified.
9.14. greg kinnear (7.9) and s. carrel (8, cuz of his starring in a current sitcom) come out to present the award for sound editing. they’re annoying.
this is also another category where apocalypto is nominated. it’s like, ‘apocalypto, sound and editing by the nazi party.'
9.17. james mcavoyy (1 cuz he's unknown to me) - some scottish dude (im proud for nailing his accent, same time as danny) - and jesssica biel (7.7). im a big fan of hers, but she doesn’t look that great. they do sound mixing. who cares.
9.20. rachel weisz (7.5) trots out to do best supporting actor. she doesn’t look that great either. how hard is it to look good on these shows? i have eddie murphy, even though i didnt see dreamgirls. the buzz seems to be going that way. it’s allen arkin. im certain this was a lifetime achievement award. he was good in sunshine, but im not amazing or anything.
9.30. randy newman (7.5) does the song from cars. with james taylor (8.5, still)! james taylor must have early alzheimer’s, cuz what other explanation could there be for the dude who wrote something in the way she moves, fire and rain and carolina in my mind doing a song for cars? someone couldn't save this man from himself? he’s probably sitting his own feces up there. dear god. vroooooom!
9.33. now melissa etherige (8.4) does her song from inconvenient truth. who cares. did her and ellen degenerese ever go out? doesn’t it seem like they did in your memory, but they didn’t? just seems like they’re by far the two most famous lesbians out there. i mean, they’re like the shaq and kobe of lesbians. how did they never end up on the same team?
9.35. leo d. (10) and al gore (8.9) trot out. leo asks gore if there’s anyting he wants to announce? he just talks about global warming again. bah humbug. they announce oscar.com as a place to learn how you can be more environmental - go visit that bastard now! leo d. kisses gore’s ass. c’mon, leo’s kissing your ass. just run already. id really like that. leo really pushes the former veep to announce. then he begins fake announcing, and they cut him off with the 'get-going' music. it was all canned, but i found it funny.
9.42. a shot of jack nicholson (9) reveals that he is now tot. bald. he looks like a giant mischievous wrinkled baby. it’s a little weird.
9.43. Cameron diaz (8.5) comes out. danny (0) says that she 'exudes retardedness.' i think she exudes hotness. this is a typical disagreement between danny and me. anway, justin t. tossed her out like refuse. it’s sad. she presents for animated feature. i have happy feet. it’s happy feet. this is so easy.
9.45. ben affleck (8.6) comes out. danny: "king of all chotches." aflac presents a short clip-film - an ‘affectionate look of how writers have been portrayed in movies in last fifty years.’ danny, ilana (1, for d & d) and i shout out the names of the movies we know. i cream them. they each get one. i get at least ten. it’s a cakewalk. im surrounded by mediocrity.
9.49. hellen mirren (8.6.) and tom hanks (9.4) for best adapted screenplay. i have notes on a scandal. the deshmarted wins. diced.
9.59. ellen comes out wearing an oscar bjorn (like a baby-carrier). my patience is wearing thin.
emily blunt (6.9) and anne Hathaway (8.2), both from the devil wears prada – liked it a lot – for wardrobe. danny: "marhsall slept with anne Hathaway!" i was thinking the same thing. they joke a little bit about how they’re both still beholden to meryl streep, who’s in the crowd. tot. unfunny. i have devil. marie antoinette wins. son of a bee sting. danny: "you have to say something about how odd this woman [the winner] looks." and thusly i have.
10.05. tom cruise (10) to present the career of sherry lansing, an executive. tom cruise is a tot. clown, but i like him. me: "tom cruise - total clown, right?" danny: "in contention for king of clowns." apparently, when sherry’s mother died of cancer, she started STOP CANCER, and she’s on the board of teach for america. also, as howard stern would say: 'her farts smell like chanel perfume.'
i guess the award is for lifetime achievement and charity or something. lansing seems classy, but really, why would i give a f*ck about her? i don’t. me: 'blah blah blah.'
then, ellen interviews clint e. (9.2) in the crowd. they do a little bit about a missing script or something, and then her wanting a picture of the two of them. steven spielberg (9.5) gets involved. the concept - that it’s funny that in this crowd, you ask someone if they can take a pic and it’s spielberg - is funny. the execution, however, is pathetic and not funny.
10.12. gwynneth (9) comes out. ilana: 'i am not digging that dress at all.' she does cinematography. surprisingly, i don’t have a pick. so who cares.
10.20. naomi watts (8.5) and robert downey jr. (8.5) come out for best visual effects. i have superman. danny: 'i think you’re going down in this one.' it’s pirates of the carribean. f*******************ck. when danny is right and im wrong, im convinced an angel loses its wings. just a theory.
10.24. ken wantanabe (7.99) and some woman i don’t know come out to announce some all-time historical films award thingie. wantanabe can barely speak english. i can barely speak japanese. but im not presenting in japan’s academy awards, either. even though those awards would benefit from my presence immensely. ive actually seen a few of the fifty movies they show clips of. whatever.
10.29. clive owen (8.5) and cate blanchett (8.6) for foreign film. i have water. it’s the lives of others. the winning dude literally jumps out of his seat. danny: 'that dude popped up like toast!' the dude barely sounds german at all. he speaks english really well.
10.32. g. clooney (9.2) trots out. danny to ilana: 'you think he’s good looking?' me: 'i love him!' best supporting actress. i have hudson. that’s the buzz. ilana: 'no way.' Clooney: 'and the oscar goes to, jennifer hudson. deluca, you are so dense.' ok, i made that last part up. jennifer hudson gets really emotional.
g-cloon just presented an award to j-hud. american idol has officially infiltrated the 'highest' levels of pop culture.
now im stopping for a while. i got two hours in.
cant stop for too long b/c at:
10.44. jerry seinfeld (9.1) comes out. he mentions comedian , which he was in and which didn’t win sh*t a few years ago, as an example of a documentary. ‘i love documentaries. they have a very real quality,’ he says. lol. i love this man. then he follows it with good routine about how movie theater code is: 'we get ripped off on food, we get to litter on the floor of the theater.' again, i love seinfeld. ‘these five incredibly depressing movies are nominees for…'
i have inconvenient truth. it’s truth. shot of larry david as al gore is handed oscar by lead guy who accepted. real bean moment, lemme tell ya.
10.50. clint eastwood (9.2). to present lifetime award to ennio morricone, who scored a lot of the spaghetti westerns (a lot of which clint was in). gina’s a big fan of his. apparently he scored that classic high noon showdown doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-woo whistle. a classic. and other big movies like the mission, bugssy. danny: 'this flying notes thing they’re doing (superimposing giant music notes on images from the films while his music plays) is stupid looking.' me: 'you’re stupid looking.' danny: 'how did i know that was coming?'
10.57. celine dione is singing for some reason.i couldn’t care less.
11.06. hugh jackman (8.6) and penelope cruz (8.7). best score. i don’t have a pick. im comatose.
11.12. tobes mcguire (9) and kirsten dunst (8.7) come out for original screenplay. i have sunshine. it’s sunshine. and it’s time i admitted i honestly have a talent for this.
11.30. switching back from an infinitely-more-interesting sportscenter, i see etherege won for her inconvenient truth ditty. i didn’t have a guess. then a commercial. we're past the three hour mark. this diary. is over. three hours, even with a couple of little breaks in there, is all that can be expected. ill still list the final categories, predictions and winners tomorrow.
next morning. i learn that important oscars went to mirren for actress (i was right), whitakker for last king (wrong), scorcese for departed (right) and departed for movie (wrong).
final note: the departed was a tot. emperor's new clothes for me. a good whodunit, but i couldnt have cared less about the characters, which is a shame, b/c scorcese is best at making us care about flawed characters. but everyone is pretending it's a great movie. no accounting for taste. this was a lifetime acheivement don for marty, through and through. he deserves all this recognition. just not for this movie, which was shallow. there, i said it.
i mean, compare the departed to raging bull, goodfellas, casino, or even the friggin aviator. you care about several characters in each of the former movies, maybe you care about one (mark wahlberg) at most in the latter.
final tally on categories in which i made predictions (in the time-stamped post below): 7 out of 16. that's a .437 clip. considering there are five nominees in almost every category, that aint bad.
NOTE: I DONT WANT TO SPEND TEN YEARS ON THIS, WHEN I SHOULD BE WRITING OTHER, MORE IMPORTANT (OR AT LEAST JOB-RELATED) THINGS, SO IM JUST GONNA POST THIS, PRETTY MUCH AS IT WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN, SANS A LOT OF EDITING AND (ANY) LINKING. OTHERWISE, THIS WOULD BE A BEAST I HAVE NO TIME FOR. MUCH LIKE THE OSCARS THEMSELVES. ISNT IT IRONIC?
one key change from last year: instead of ranking the people who pop up in the diary as either stars, big stars, or legends, as i did last year, im simply grading them on a stardom scale of 1 to 10. a 1 would be a total non-celeb, like the guy at the deli who never gives me a plastic spoon with my yogurt, so i end up eating it with a plastic fork b/c that's the only extra plastic cutlery we ever have in the office. a 10 would be a worldwide, prolly-recognizable-for-generations-to-come-or-at-least-
has-already-been-recognizable-for-generations actor, like, i hate to say it, tom cruise. the grade, in parens, will follow the first mention of the given person.
also: since last year's diary, i have become too big for my proverbial britches, whatever those are, so i have fired brady as ombudsman, in so small part due to her less-than-sexy penchant for eating her own stomach hair. she still lives with me, so i think this is gonna be an awkward few weeks - or however long a cat's memory lasts - going forward, but them's the breaks.
now onto the show.
8.30. live from the kodak theater, it’s the 79th annual showing of my bar mitzvah photos! jk jk. it’s the 79th annual academy awards, aka the 79th annual most self-aggrandising ceremony in the world!
we begin with a really good errol morris montage of nominated dons, including stars, doing sound bites against that classic errol morris white background. sometimes the subjects' individual soundbites combine to form sentences ('im glad to be nominated,' 'i did editing,' 'id like to thank,' etc.). really excellent piece, actually. errol morris is just a clean, solid filmmaker. he doesnt flower it all up, like either of the burns brothers, whose grandiose documentary style i have to say i prolly prefer. what can i say? im quite grandiose myself.
8.36. ellen degeneres (8.2) walks out. i like ellen degeneres. generous, though misspelled, is part of her name for chrissakes. she’s wearing a red velvet suit. her routine is pretty funny. not so lol, but amusing. then it gets not funny at the end. hosting this thing is a no-win situation for the host. ellen's pointing out notable people in the audience. she points out abigail breslin (2), the girl from little miss sunshine. i saw the movie. it was good. off-beat good, heartwarming. but it’s getting way too much press. way too much. enough already. ellen also informs us that apparently peter o’toole (8) has been nominated eight times without winning. let’s hope he wins tonite otherwise it would be cruel. now we see jennifer hudson, former american idol star. then ellen hits the best joke of night: 'jennifer hudson, wasn’t voted the winner by america. then we have al gore here, who was.' bravo. im a BIG Al GORE FAN. this switches to leo decaprio. then ellen makes a hyper-lame joke about how there’s no hyper-lame joke to be made, but the ladies want to look at him. then: ‘if there weren’t blacks, jews or gays, there wouldn’t be oscars.' that one was too crammed down my throat. she continues: 'or anyone named oscar.’ that was at first funny, then i realized it doesnt really make sense. a trick joke. i mean, there are a lot of jews named oscar?
then she does this needless gospel number, where she goes into the crowd with a whole gospel-singing troupe, singing about god knows what. it's stupid and pointless. and im taking notes on this!
8.45. Nicole kidman (8.5) and Daniel craig (7). if it’s ever sitting in your seat, dont even bother asking it to get up - nicole kidman’s forehead moves for no man. that's all i have to say about that. they present the award for best art direction. i have pan. it wins. im 1 for 1!
8.48. mags gyllenhall (7.9) comes out to tell us about her having hosted the 'scientific and technology' oscars sometime before tonite - possibly this afternoon, possibly ten years ago. we might never know, and we surely will never care. mags is actually attractive, in that allison janney-brainy-attractive way. that’s all i have to say about her at this time, aside from the fact that it’s weird that her and jake gyllanhall are such big stars and are brother and sister. why aren’t simone and i like that? luck of the draw i guess.
8.53. will ferrell (8.5) sings a song about comedians not getting love at the oscars. jack black joins him. though i love them both, this is not funny. then another petey o'toole ref. o'toole looks half dead btw; his win might be posthumous by the time it's given. now john c. reilly joins the aforementioned pair. ive never understood his appeal. then the three do the award for makeup. i have pan. two for two! pan is shaping up for a historical night. it’s like a babeball player who hits three home runs the first game of season. nowhere to go but down.
8.59. speaking of nowhere to go but down, abigail breslin (again) and pursuit of happyness boy jaden christopher syre smith (1.8) (real son of will and jada apparently, btw) come out. i have learned that when you have a black child star, he/she always has three to four names in his name. i learned that on the cosby show. i hate child strars. everyone's lauhghing at some lame joke now, just cuz it was told by children. lame. they present for animated short, then live action short film. i have no picks for either. who cares about either of them?
9.02. danny and ilana walk in to find me eating brady's stomach hair. a tacit agreement to never speak of the incident again is unanimously and instantly ratified.
9.14. greg kinnear (7.9) and s. carrel (8, cuz of his starring in a current sitcom) come out to present the award for sound editing. they’re annoying.
this is also another category where apocalypto is nominated. it’s like, ‘apocalypto, sound and editing by the nazi party.'
9.17. james mcavoyy (1 cuz he's unknown to me) - some scottish dude (im proud for nailing his accent, same time as danny) - and jesssica biel (7.7). im a big fan of hers, but she doesn’t look that great. they do sound mixing. who cares.
9.20. rachel weisz (7.5) trots out to do best supporting actor. she doesn’t look that great either. how hard is it to look good on these shows? i have eddie murphy, even though i didnt see dreamgirls. the buzz seems to be going that way. it’s allen arkin. im certain this was a lifetime achievement award. he was good in sunshine, but im not amazing or anything.
9.30. randy newman (7.5) does the song from cars. with james taylor (8.5, still)! james taylor must have early alzheimer’s, cuz what other explanation could there be for the dude who wrote something in the way she moves, fire and rain and carolina in my mind doing a song for cars? someone couldn't save this man from himself? he’s probably sitting his own feces up there. dear god. vroooooom!
9.33. now melissa etherige (8.4) does her song from inconvenient truth. who cares. did her and ellen degenerese ever go out? doesn’t it seem like they did in your memory, but they didn’t? just seems like they’re by far the two most famous lesbians out there. i mean, they’re like the shaq and kobe of lesbians. how did they never end up on the same team?
9.35. leo d. (10) and al gore (8.9) trot out. leo asks gore if there’s anyting he wants to announce? he just talks about global warming again. bah humbug. they announce oscar.com as a place to learn how you can be more environmental - go visit that bastard now! leo d. kisses gore’s ass. c’mon, leo’s kissing your ass. just run already. id really like that. leo really pushes the former veep to announce. then he begins fake announcing, and they cut him off with the 'get-going' music. it was all canned, but i found it funny.
9.42. a shot of jack nicholson (9) reveals that he is now tot. bald. he looks like a giant mischievous wrinkled baby. it’s a little weird.
9.43. Cameron diaz (8.5) comes out. danny (0) says that she 'exudes retardedness.' i think she exudes hotness. this is a typical disagreement between danny and me. anway, justin t. tossed her out like refuse. it’s sad. she presents for animated feature. i have happy feet. it’s happy feet. this is so easy.
9.45. ben affleck (8.6) comes out. danny: "king of all chotches." aflac presents a short clip-film - an ‘affectionate look of how writers have been portrayed in movies in last fifty years.’ danny, ilana (1, for d & d) and i shout out the names of the movies we know. i cream them. they each get one. i get at least ten. it’s a cakewalk. im surrounded by mediocrity.
9.49. hellen mirren (8.6.) and tom hanks (9.4) for best adapted screenplay. i have notes on a scandal. the deshmarted wins. diced.
9.59. ellen comes out wearing an oscar bjorn (like a baby-carrier). my patience is wearing thin.
emily blunt (6.9) and anne Hathaway (8.2), both from the devil wears prada – liked it a lot – for wardrobe. danny: "marhsall slept with anne Hathaway!" i was thinking the same thing. they joke a little bit about how they’re both still beholden to meryl streep, who’s in the crowd. tot. unfunny. i have devil. marie antoinette wins. son of a bee sting. danny: "you have to say something about how odd this woman [the winner] looks." and thusly i have.
10.05. tom cruise (10) to present the career of sherry lansing, an executive. tom cruise is a tot. clown, but i like him. me: "tom cruise - total clown, right?" danny: "in contention for king of clowns." apparently, when sherry’s mother died of cancer, she started STOP CANCER, and she’s on the board of teach for america. also, as howard stern would say: 'her farts smell like chanel perfume.'
i guess the award is for lifetime achievement and charity or something. lansing seems classy, but really, why would i give a f*ck about her? i don’t. me: 'blah blah blah.'
then, ellen interviews clint e. (9.2) in the crowd. they do a little bit about a missing script or something, and then her wanting a picture of the two of them. steven spielberg (9.5) gets involved. the concept - that it’s funny that in this crowd, you ask someone if they can take a pic and it’s spielberg - is funny. the execution, however, is pathetic and not funny.
10.12. gwynneth (9) comes out. ilana: 'i am not digging that dress at all.' she does cinematography. surprisingly, i don’t have a pick. so who cares.
10.20. naomi watts (8.5) and robert downey jr. (8.5) come out for best visual effects. i have superman. danny: 'i think you’re going down in this one.' it’s pirates of the carribean. f*******************ck. when danny is right and im wrong, im convinced an angel loses its wings. just a theory.
10.24. ken wantanabe (7.99) and some woman i don’t know come out to announce some all-time historical films award thingie. wantanabe can barely speak english. i can barely speak japanese. but im not presenting in japan’s academy awards, either. even though those awards would benefit from my presence immensely. ive actually seen a few of the fifty movies they show clips of. whatever.
10.29. clive owen (8.5) and cate blanchett (8.6) for foreign film. i have water. it’s the lives of others. the winning dude literally jumps out of his seat. danny: 'that dude popped up like toast!' the dude barely sounds german at all. he speaks english really well.
10.32. g. clooney (9.2) trots out. danny to ilana: 'you think he’s good looking?' me: 'i love him!' best supporting actress. i have hudson. that’s the buzz. ilana: 'no way.' Clooney: 'and the oscar goes to, jennifer hudson. deluca, you are so dense.' ok, i made that last part up. jennifer hudson gets really emotional.
g-cloon just presented an award to j-hud. american idol has officially infiltrated the 'highest' levels of pop culture.
now im stopping for a while. i got two hours in.
cant stop for too long b/c at:
10.44. jerry seinfeld (9.1) comes out. he mentions comedian , which he was in and which didn’t win sh*t a few years ago, as an example of a documentary. ‘i love documentaries. they have a very real quality,’ he says. lol. i love this man. then he follows it with good routine about how movie theater code is: 'we get ripped off on food, we get to litter on the floor of the theater.' again, i love seinfeld. ‘these five incredibly depressing movies are nominees for…'
i have inconvenient truth. it’s truth. shot of larry david as al gore is handed oscar by lead guy who accepted. real bean moment, lemme tell ya.
10.50. clint eastwood (9.2). to present lifetime award to ennio morricone, who scored a lot of the spaghetti westerns (a lot of which clint was in). gina’s a big fan of his. apparently he scored that classic high noon showdown doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-woo whistle. a classic. and other big movies like the mission, bugssy. danny: 'this flying notes thing they’re doing (superimposing giant music notes on images from the films while his music plays) is stupid looking.' me: 'you’re stupid looking.' danny: 'how did i know that was coming?'
10.57. celine dione is singing for some reason.i couldn’t care less.
11.06. hugh jackman (8.6) and penelope cruz (8.7). best score. i don’t have a pick. im comatose.
11.12. tobes mcguire (9) and kirsten dunst (8.7) come out for original screenplay. i have sunshine. it’s sunshine. and it’s time i admitted i honestly have a talent for this.
11.30. switching back from an infinitely-more-interesting sportscenter, i see etherege won for her inconvenient truth ditty. i didn’t have a guess. then a commercial. we're past the three hour mark. this diary. is over. three hours, even with a couple of little breaks in there, is all that can be expected. ill still list the final categories, predictions and winners tomorrow.
next morning. i learn that important oscars went to mirren for actress (i was right), whitakker for last king (wrong), scorcese for departed (right) and departed for movie (wrong).
final note: the departed was a tot. emperor's new clothes for me. a good whodunit, but i couldnt have cared less about the characters, which is a shame, b/c scorcese is best at making us care about flawed characters. but everyone is pretending it's a great movie. no accounting for taste. this was a lifetime acheivement don for marty, through and through. he deserves all this recognition. just not for this movie, which was shallow. there, i said it.
i mean, compare the departed to raging bull, goodfellas, casino, or even the friggin aviator. you care about several characters in each of the former movies, maybe you care about one (mark wahlberg) at most in the latter.
final tally on categories in which i made predictions (in the time-stamped post below): 7 out of 16. that's a .437 clip. considering there are five nominees in almost every category, that aint bad.
posted by Colby | 3:54 PM
3 Comments:
I am laughing and in agreement with you about most things. Here's where we differ: The three comedians (Black, Reilly and Ferrell) were very funny. Here's where I disagree with Ilana (who I really like, by the way, no personal offense to Ilana--she's classy): Gwyneth's dress rocked and George Clooney is completely hot. I can't believe I just read that whole thing.
I can't believe I'm not as famous as the guy from the deli who never gives you a spoon.
I am not done reading this. I will save the rest for my afternoon snack break. You are dedicated! I too eat Brady's stomach hair.
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